Satire

Ditchard Rawkins: Lincolnism as Indoctrination

Ditchard Rawkins

Clearly proof of Lincoln’s non-existence, anyone who doesn’t see this is deluded. Belief in Lincoln is the product of faith, tradition, and authority, which do not substantiate his existence but shows it to be a mere invention of man. As Ditchard Rawkins brilliantly points out, there is no such thing as a lincolnist child: only a child of lincolnist parents. Many supporters of Lincoln point to his signature as proof that he existed, but this is obviously just a Lincoln of the Gaps argument. You’re appealing to some gap in history to suggest that it is best explained by Lincoln’s existence, but such reasoning has been thoroughly refuted by science. Even if we cannot find an explanation for it now, there will come a more plausible explanation in the future. 

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Romney’s Secret Victory Dance

Romney’s Secret Victory Dance

After Romney’s victorious triumph in his debate against Obama, he got a little too excited. Some are already using this leaked photo as proof that Romney is not fit to be a president with childish behavior like this. I’m inclined to agree, it’s not something a mature person should be doing. But I don’t think it’s all bad for Romney, this could give his campaign some much needed energy from the drone-like response that he receives from republicans. Obama, on the other hand, is not amused at all. He recently spoke to Fox News saying, “Let me be perfectly clear. I do not tolerate this behavior, it is not respectful and it is not presidential. If Romney wins this election, I will sue him for every last penny that he owns. This is a personal offense to me and to America. I stand here today letting America know that I will change his sorry life forever”.

Mr President, you need to chill. Don’t be jelly if Romney has more swag than you.

WWJD – Whip ‘Em Out

WWJD - Grab A Whip and Clean House

Where’s the gentle baby Jesus you ask? Not here. It’s unfortunate, but I think christians should stop being wimps and start bringing whips to chastise the church and the world for its sinful practices. Whenever I engage in any kind of satire in a public format, someone complains that this is not Christ-like. I’m sorry but exactly what Bible are we reading here again? We’re more concerned about hurting someone’s poor little feelings when we should be more concerned about how their sin will be leading to their own damnation. It’s time we treat sin as seriously as it should be. That may involve insulting their pride and shaming them in public if the person earns it.

Admittedly, we should not “literally” whip anyone but I am referring to verbally whipping them with the truth. We must demolish their fortresses, shame their defenders, and commit verbal intellectual murder against their first degree deceptions. This is no time for cowardice, if you love God then you’ll hate evil because it is contrary to everything that God is. That does not mean we should just immediately start insulting people, but rather, our insults should be based on truth and used to make a logical point. We’re to love them, but we’re not called to tolerate their behavior or their worldview – especially when they wage war against us. Those who don’t fight back are just wimps, plain and simple.

J. Budziszewski on Liberalism

“That is the real significance of the Casey plurality’s “right to define one’s own conception of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life” (and my excuse for returning to it yet again). This proclamation is every bit as religious as the Nicene Creed, a veritable anthem of nonjudgmentalism–yet what a judgement! Have I blown up the Oklahoma federal building? According to my concept of existence, maybe those people weren’t real. Have I tortured and raped the woman in the next-door apartment? According to my concept of meaning, maybe her suffering wasn’t meaningful. Have I gathered some buddies and kicked a homeless man into a coma? According to my concept of the mystery of human life, maybe he didn’t have a life. Don’t forget, I have a right to my definitions. Everything is permitted, nothing denied, for I am the center of the universe I define.

Such is the logic of liberalism, but the Supreme Court resists logic, as liberalism always must. It hoards its elixir carefully; the acid of nonjudgmentalism may be uncorked from time to time, but only to dissolve the judgements of someone else. This raises the interesting question of how long a universal solvent can be bottled up. Eventually it melts through the cruet.”

-J. Budziszewski in The Line Through the Heart: Natural Law as Fact, Theory, and Sign of Contradiction page 182-183

The Top 7 Things I Want For This Nation

  1. I want to force my morality on everyone else.
  2. I want there to be a theocracy where Christianity rains supreme and suppresses atheists.
  3. I want every female to wear a burka and do everything their husbands say, even if what their husbands say is wrong and immoral.
  4. I want homosexuals to be shipped off to San Francisco.
  5. I want Young Earth Creationism to dominate the schools and be the paradigm scientific theory.
  6. I want there the gun laws to be lowered to allow 16 year olds to carry a concealed weapon in every state.
  7. I want to ban everyone from having any sex at all.

If you have anything more to add to this list, just post it below ;) Also, check out this view if you don’t get where I’m coming from ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-_JhRJ0tWA

Stephanie Meier: a Thank You

In addition to my day jobs of being a student and webmaster for a few organizations I also work as an assistant leader at my church’s youth group Revival In Our Town Youth Ministry or RIOt (lowercase t = the cross). You can check us out @ our website or on facebook. Yesterday I finally got around to giving away a prize donated by one of RIOt’s biggest supporters and my friend, Christian Musician Stephanie Meier. Stephanie gave me four copies of her album Made to Love. I kept the autographed copy for myself (a little selfish, I know) and gave the other three away during youth group yesterday for winning our game of extreme ping pong.

Just wanted to publicly acknowledge that Stephanie is wonderfully anointed to sing praises to the Lord.  I hope you all check out Made to love and also take a listen to this song she donated to our youth group’s official sound track Start a RIOt .

You can download this track for free here (right click > save as). Brought to you by Start a RIOt and Stephanie Meier.

 

Thanks again Stephanie.

Christian Beatbox

For Christmas there was a big buzz on the beatbox scene in the United Kingdom. Reverend Gavin Tyte brought a unique perspective to the story of Jesus’ birth with his Nativity Rap. The beatbox remix on the gospel story gained a lot of attention and even won a IGN  contest and has since been posted to YouTube in a live, extended and original version each of which has gained over 32,000+ views.

As not only a Christian but also an old school acoustic beatboxer,  this news excites me because it brings attention to an often under recognized aspect of the beatbox community. I’ll talk more about Christian beatboxing in a moment but for now let me give a quick personal history. I got into beatboxing in June of 2009  right after high school when by chance I stumbled upon a Hardly Working video (Warning contains strong language) featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda and Chirs “Shockwave” Sullivan. I was astonished by Shockwave’s vocal skill and style in that video. It was right around this time that I started listening to early 80s hiphop. I naturally was drawn to the original beatboxers like Doug E. Fresh, Buff Love and Biz Markie.

At first I was simply a fan of the art and wished there was some way I could also learn to beatbox. It appeared to just be a mysterious gift from God that you either had, or you didn’t  and that was that. It was not until I stumbled upon yet another video by Shockwave from the Hardly Working Video for the How To Show that I got a grasp on the most basic possible sounds. I remember my brother’s hilarious reaction the first time I dropped a that basic beat around him… “You been watchin’ the How To videos again haven’t you?”

From there I worked on my skills, I started by looking for more online tutorials to help me figure out sounds and beats. The first such series I found and learned from was that of HumanBeatbox.com. The gentlemen in those videos went by TyTe, as in Reverend Gavin Tyte, the world’s only beatboxing Pastor and writer of the Nativity Rap! I did not learn that he was a Christian pastor until much later.

So for three years now I’ve been honing my beatboxing and honestly I feel I’m at a good intermediate level but I’m no Beardyman . I’m not very good at techno, dubstep or DnB beats. I tend to fall in to a very specialized field  of beatbox called acoustic. Little known fact: the acoustic beatbox was invented by the Prince of Pop himself Michael Jackons. I tend to model my own style after my personal idol Matisyahu who took the acoustic style to a whole new level mixing in elements of scat singing, Jewish Hazzen and freestyle rap to create unique sounds like this. The evolution of Matis’ style is apparent when one compares the beatbox tracks from his first hit album Live at Stubb’s Vol 1 with his last album Live at Stubb’s Vol 2. He started focusing more on the bass noise and refined his humming technique to make it more subtle, I know for a fact he uses sub woofers on to get a deeper tones on his “DOOOs” his rolls are faster, he tightened up his melodies like in the beatbox solo at the end of Sunshine. All in all Matisyahu’s instrumental music, and acoustic music and freestyle rapping amazing, his beatbox is also wonderfully percussive.  The first time my ears had the pleasure of hearing Matis live in concert and he hit the beatbox I honestly thought the drummer was still playing (low quality  video of the first show I saw him at).

Anyways enough gushing over Matisyahu, the point is really this. Through spiritual beatboxers like the Jewish Matisyahu and the Muslim Kenny Muhamad I made a mental connection I might not have made other wise. Beatbox could be used as a means of Christian worship! When I tried to find anyone who had the same idea as me, it was surprising to find very very little in the field of Christian beatbox. I mean in my mind beatbox would fit right in to a lot of church services, think of the Eastern Orthodox teaching that a capella music is the only music that should be in a liturgy. Think also of the tradition of chanting from Gregorian monks in Roman Catholicism. How awesome could those sound over a totally organic human beatboxer (like this)? Or maybe even the pentacostle practice of Speaking in Tongues.

I mean think of Biblical verses like Psalm 150:6 “let everything that has breath praise the Lord.”  Or Psalm 34:1 “…I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” or Psalm 51:15 “Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall declare thy praise” What an awesome way to praise God it would be to literally turn the act of breathing into exaltation!

So what I did do is put together a playlist of some of the very few Christian beatboxers I have been able to find and their awesome ability to praise the Lord with the only instrument he designed Himself, the mouth. The playlist begins with the Nativity Rap by Rev. TyTe and ends with a more personal touch :)

Enjoy.

 

SOTU: So Obama Tells Us…

President Obama tells us a story,

Imagine what we could accomplish if we followed their example. Think about the America within our reach: A country that leads the world in educating its people. An America that attracts a new generation of high-tech manufacturing and high-paying jobs.

Oh goodie, it’s time to play the liberal imagination game. If we followed Obama’s example, we’d be eating shiny chicken, gaining trillions in debt, and having fancy vacations playing golf. Need a high paying job? Apply for the White House, I heard reality doesn’t work there.

We can do this. I know we can, because we’ve done it before.

Yay! Wait, so why haven’t you done it?

What’s at stake are not Democratic values or Republican values, but American values. We have to reclaim them.

Except there’s a difference: Your values are wrong.

In the last 22 months, businesses have created more than three million jobs. Last year, they created the most jobs since 2005.

Great! Where did those three million jobs come from? China.

As long as I’m President, I will work with anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic crisis in the first place.

That’s funny, could’ve sworn your kind of policies are exactly why we’re in this mess in the first place. Here’s to building up that momentum!

On the day I took office, our auto industry was on the verge of collapse. Some even said we should let it die. With a million jobs at stake, I refused to let that happen.

My HERO! Can you buy me a car for my birthday too? :)

Ask yourselves what you can do to bring jobs back to your country, and your country will do everything we can to help you succeed.

Question to self: What do I need to make jobs? Money. That’ll help me succeed for sure. When do I get a check? :D

It’s time to stop rewarding businesses that ship jobs overseas, and start rewarding companies that create jobs right here in America.

It was time to do this four years ago. Did you get lost in a time warp?

It’s time to apply the same rules from top to bottom: No bailouts, no handouts, and no copouts. An America built to last insists on responsibility from everybody.

And here I thought you bailed out the auto-industry. Silly me.

When it comes to the deficit, we’ve already agreed to more than $2 trillion in cuts and savings. But we need to do more, and that means making choices.

Agreed. It means less golfing, less chicken, and more work please. And come on, this “cut” pales in comparison to how much debt we’re still adding.

I’m done with this abject drivel.

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