I am appreciative of what God has been doing in my life, and I love every thing He has been changing in me, but lately, I have not been active on Walking Christian nor have I been active on my Youtube channel. My friends, I cannot begin to fathom where my life is heading into because I’m hindered and broken so much even though I have been holding on to Jesus.
Everyday, my relationship with my parents weakens and I always thought that being with God and following His Word is going to help me bridge the gap we always had for many years. I thought going to school was going to make them smile at me for once. I thought the new pastor of the church they are going to will help them improve their relationship with God. Now, I realize there’s no point into all of this. I am stressed, and I am already on the brink of discontinuing school. Even though, 2013 is the last year I have for school, I feel as if my time in college has been useless. I have been extremely lonely, and I’ve been denying my depression. I want time alone with God, but living in the house I am sleeping in is no longer considered to be my home. All these years, I should have known that God has already shown me that my connection with my family has been destroyed.
I feel homeless. Spiritually.
I cannot post anything on Walking Christian because I am such a horrible example of what Christian Living should be. I feel that I lost my credibility ever since I fell into this hole that has been created. My life has turned upside down since the beginning of 2012, and I have been contemplating suicide.
I don’t know what to do at all. I was looking forward to continuing Aruced and the Christian Gaming Community in Walking Christian, but the Lord has been saying no to me on everything now, and He wants me to do something that I doubt myself in.
My friends, my brothers, sisters, and spiritual family: This is the last post I will write. Until then, good bye everyone. Sorry that I have let a l0t of you down. I need time to think for myself.